Do You Have Some Unhealthy “Healthy” Habits?

Sometimes what starts off as a healthy habit, becomes a bit unhealthy over time.

Often, habits are formed unconsciously. They’re something you've done for so long, even since childhood, that you don’t even remember how or when or why they started in the first place. And because they’re so engrained and so deeply imbedded in how we behave or act, we don’t even really consider them habits – we just think “this is what I do, this is how I do this thing, this is just how it is.” We’re not even aware that this thing we do – this consistent behaviour or action – is even a habit. But anything we do that is consistent and automatic, any behaviour that has become part of our regular routine and feels almost involuntary or unconscious, is a habit.

Sometimes these unintentional habits, these automatic ways of behaving, no longer serve us. When you become aware of this, you’ll start getting curious about whether you want to keep this habit, or not.

What I’ve experienced in my own life and in working with clients, is that some habits are attached to feelings and emotions. As we do a particular habit, there is an associated feeling or emotion that comes along with it. Sometimes it’s so subtle we may not even realize it. Or it’s so deeply ingrained that we’re not consciously aware of the connection between the habit and the feeling that it provides us.

This means that habits can be changed or formed by being aware of what feelings or emotions we have while doing the habit.

Remember, habits are automatic, created through a behaviour or an action that has been done over and over again in the same way over an extended period of time. Think about driving to work or somewhere else you go to regularly. How often do you get there and don’t even remember anything about the drive; somehow you’ve just gotten there. Habits are our brain’s way of being efficient. The less our brain needs to think about, the less energy it expends on rote or routine actions, thus having more energy to expend on more important things – like solving problems, being creative, responding to the needs of our friends and family, etc. But because habits become subconscious and automatic, we literally do them without thinking, without awareness, and without being conscious about them. And because of that we don’t consider why we’re doing them. It’s just our default way of being.

Now, for some things being on autopilot is okay (and even necessary). But do you want to live your life by default all the time? Or do you want to do things because they enrich your life, help you be healthier, more present, and more aligned with your values?

Consider some of these examples of habits that may have a bit of unhealthiness in them, but are attached to emotions and feelings that make us feel good.

• Having drinks on Friday night

• Drinking wine while cooking

• Eating cookies with tea

• Getting takeout on Saturday nights

• Having dessert after dinner

• Buying snacks for a road trip

Now I’m not saying any of these habits is bad (or good) in and of themselves. And I’m definitely not coming at this from a place of judgement, but rather from a place of curiosity and learning and a desire to be aware of why I do something and then being able to decide if I still want to do it.

Habits can be changed or formed by being aware of what feelings or emotions we have while doing the habit.

As an example, let’s take eating cookies with tea because this situation recently presented itself with one of my clients. My client is wanting to break her addiction to processed sugar and in doing so wants to decrease her intake of foods like cookies. More specifically, she wanted to stop eating cookies with her afternoon tea.

I was so curious about this and asked her to tell me more about this habit. She described to me a wonderful ritual of making tea in the afternoon and dunking her cookies in the tea and how cozy and relaxed she felt doing this. This ritual makes her feel more creative and inspired to work. Eventually her description brought her back to her childhood when her grandparents would make her tea and feed her cookies that she dunked in her tea and how safe and comfortable and loved she felt. She realized this is when her habit of tea drinking/cookie dunking started and how this habit made her feel safe and loved and protected.

This was a powerful realization and she became aware of why she had this habit and how it made her feel. Since feelings and emotions are connected to habit, the question then became how to maintain those feelings of safety and love, without the sugar intake. How could she take the amazing reasons behind this habit, and keep the emotions, and make the sugar part of it a bit healthier? Instead of deleting the habit altogether, which was my client’s first inclination, (“I just won’t have tea and cookies anymore because it’s a bad habit”), we just needed to modify the habit (“Okay, I’ll still have my afternoon tea everyday but I’ll have toast with peanut butter or an apple instead of the cookies.”)

Can you see how this can be applied to other habits you may have? Like the having drinks on Friday night, drinking wine while cooking, getting takeout on Saturday nights, having dessert after dinner, or buying chips for the road trip. As I said previously, none of these things are necessarily “bad” or unhealthy.

But if you examine the feelings you get by doing these habits, might you uncover something about yourself, might you reveal why you do them, might you become more aware of your reasons for doing something?

And with that, might you start to understand yourself a bit more, be able to give yourself some grace and compassion, be able to not be so hard on yourself? And might you be in a better position to decide with intention, what will serve you best? And might you be better able to make decisions that are healthy, loving and positive for you and your life?

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If you’re feeling stuck with your habits, or don’t know where or how to start to create or change them, I can help. It’s something I coach my clients on a lot, since habits are such a foundational aspect of our lives. And healthy habits lead to confidence, purpose, and fulfillment, which is what you deserve. In my 3-month coaching program I help my clients accelerate this. Book a call with me today and let’s get started!